Technology has done wonders to help us stay connected with family members. But beginning users have to learn new terms and skills. In-person classes are often available through senior centers or the library. And AARP’s AgeTech Collaborative offers online video tutorials and classes through SeniorPlanet.org. 

Even if you seek to provide less complicated devices, it’s still likely your loved one will need tech support, most commonly for

• updating a system or app 
• converting an older program to a subscription-only service
• installing and starting a basic app such as Zoom
• “it stopped working” (rebooting the Wi-Fi if it’s down, or charging the device)

Handling these tasks can be inconvenient and time consuming for you. You might try a monitor-sharing program such as Zoom or SplashTop. In this case, you take virtual control of your relative’s computer to help them from wherever you are. Other options include

• In-person appointments. Many senior centers and libraries offer one-on-one tech support or group classes from knowledgeable volunteers. They are often free or low cost. Some retailers offer in-store services for their products. 
• Home visits. Again, some retailers will allow you to purchase in-home tech support for a new device. Your family member receives help at home from a tech-smart individual. Be sure the service provider does background checks on staff. You might even consider purchasing a “whole home” plan from retailers or a local IT company. It would cover all your relative’s devices: Wi-Fi, phone, tablet, computer, television, etc.
• Virtual or remote support. CyberSeniors.org offers free online tech support “office hours.” Also, scheduled one-on-one training appointments. This service is specifically geared for older adults. It pairs them with senior-friendly high school or college mentors. Call 1-844-217-3057, toll-free.

Does your loved one lack a device set up for video visits? Consider ordering a phone or tablet online from a private company such as CanDooTech.com. (It’s a member of AARP’s AgeTech Collaborative.) CanDoo preconfigures the new device and mails it to your relative. Then their team of senior-friendly “tech concierges” can be hired one hour at a time. Or you can purchase a yearly rate for ongoing tech support and troubleshooting.

Are you the IT person in the family?
As the San Francisco experts in family caregiving, we at Compassionate Community Care see many in the younger generation get conscripted to troubleshoot or update devices. This may not be how you want to spend your time with your relative. We have resources to help. Give us a call at (415) 921-5038.

Persons over age 65 are 2.6 times more likely than the general population to die in a home fire. That’s alarming!

Older adults most often incur burns at home, typically when cooking or bathing. The most common burn injuries are from scalding hot water or flames. 

Many factors contribute to an older adult’s high susceptibility to burns:

• Diminished sense of hearing, sight, and smell. They may not hear a smoke detector, see a spark, or smell a gas leak.
• Slowed or limited ability to move around. They may not be able to exit quickly when in danger. 
• Fragile skin. With such a thin protective layer, they are more vulnerable to heat.
• Medications that cause drowsiness. Drugs that lead to drowsiness and slow reaction times put your loved one at greater risk.

Here are some safety tips for preventing burns:

Kitchen
This is the room where burns most commonly occur.

• Stay in the kitchen when cooking. It’s too easy to forget and leave a burner on when leaving a room. Alternatively, set a loud timer that will keep going until it’s turned off.
• Avoid loose, long sleeves when cooking. Instead, wear snug sleeves or short-sleeved or sleeveless tops. 
• Use mitts when lifting hot pans or casseroles. 
• Put a pan lid on a stovetop fire to rob it of oxygen.
• Cook using a microwave oven.

Electrical fires

• Repair frayed wires.
• Don’t overload power strips or outlets.
• Use only one appliance per outlet.
• Use extension cords for short-term needs. They are not meant as a permanent solution.
• Use heating pads with a timer. Do not sleep with heating pads turned on.
• Leave three feet of space around a space heater and shut it off when the last person exits the room.

Smoking-related

• Do not smoke in bed.
• When drowsy, put out the cigarette or smoke outside.
• Never smoke while oxygen is in use. Leave the tank indoors and go outside to smoke.
• Use cans filled with sand or large ashtrays to douse cigarettes.

Miscellaneous 

• Turn the water heater to 120–125 degrees Fahrenheit. 
• Check the smoke detector regularly. 
• If your loved one is hard of hearing, install a smoke detector that also flashes light. In the bedroom consider one that vibrates a pad that can be placed under the pillow.

Have you done a home safety evaluation for fire?

Burn Awareness Week is a good time to go through the house to be sure you have precautions in place to reduce the chance of a burn injury. As the San Francisco experts in family caregiving, we at Compassionate Community Care understand how easy it is to get caught up in other things and forget to do an annual review. Let us help. Give us a call at (415) 921-5038.

Finances are bound to be a concern if your spouse has received a diagnosis of dementia before age 65. As in many households, your partner’s job may cover important monthly bills. And perhaps essentials such as family health insurance or retirement funding. 

In the early stages, your partner may be able to reduce hours or shift to a less stressful position. The longer they can continue working, the better, financially and for their self-esteem. Eventually, the dementia will make it impossible for your spouse to do their job. To avoid getting fired, your partner might talk to the doctor about “medical retirement” and applying for disability benefits. An estate planning attorney can offer wise counsel.

Research company policy concerning these issues:

• Family Medical Leave benefits. For large and midsize companies, federal law stipulates that qualified employees can take off up to twelve weeks per year for medical and family reasons. This is unpaid time. But there’s no loss of job or benefits. (Also check out this option for yourself. You may need to take time off for caregiving.)
• Early retirement. What does your partner have available by way of 401(k) or pension? Can they begin withdrawing funds before age 65 in the case of disability? What are the tax implications of early withdrawals?
• COBRA (health insurance). Your partner may be able to retain the company’s medical policy for up to thirty-six months after leaving. But you will need to pay for it yourselves. 

Government resources

• Social Security Disability Insurance (SSDI) and Supplemental Security Income (SSI) may be available from the government.
• Medicare is available for persons under age 65 once they have been on SSDI for at least twenty-four months.

A financial planner or accountant can also help you look at the larger picture. They can suggest tax deductions and ways to wisely access your resources. Consider working with a care manager to explore other available benefits and community programs.

Are you worried about finances?

As the San Francisco experts in family caregiving, we at Compassionate Community Care know how distressing this can be in the context of early-onset dementia. Let us help you find out about resources that might be available. Give us a call at (415) 921-5038.

Regret tends to be one of those emotions we’d prefer not to feel. Which is unfortunate, according to researcher Brené Brown. Her point is that “regret can be a fair but tough teacher.” If we don’t let regret mire us in the past—with self-blame and guilt—then we can use it to guide our future. 

Regret is ultimately about living outside our values. Failures of courage are typically the most painful regrets: Failure to speak up, show up, be kind—to self or others. 

As a family caregiver, you may find yourself often struggling against regret, as there’s always more that can be done or done better! But it’s important to be realistic and give yourself credit for all that goes right.

To help ease regrets, author Daniel Pink has made these suggestions:

• Talk to yourself the way you would a friend. If you heard your story from a friend, how would you respond? Likely you would be kind and comforting. Get past your harsh inner critic to harvest some wisdom from the situation.
• Share your regret with someone else. Telling your story out loud, or even writing about it, can “de-fang” its bite.
• Make amends? In some situations, you can come back to your loved one (or other) and apologize. Perhaps do something materially that can change the outcome. 
• Take note of lessons learned. While you cannot undo the past, you can gain insight for the future. What was at the root of your behavior? If something similar were to arise, how will you remind yourself to approach it differently?
• “At least …” Take some time to recognize that it could have been worse. Appreciate that this was one instance out of many.

If regret is getting in the way of your sleep or daily happiness, consider talking to a therapist. They can help you find the lessons and move forward.

Are you experiencing regret?

As the San Francisco experts in family caregiving, we at Compassionate Community Care often hear family members express regret about things they did or didn’t do with their loved one. From our perspective, we see a family caregiver who is overwhelmed with too much responsibility. Let us lighten your load so you have the breathing room to take considered action. Give us a call at (415) 921-5038.

If the person you care for has a low-vision diagnosis, you are likely concerned about their ability to orient themselves and learn to move safely without falling or becoming injured.

Many people with low vision rely on the assistance of a “human guide.” You may already serve in that function for your loved one. Perhaps your relative also uses a cane. A cane gives them extra information about the environment. It also signals their impairment to others, increasing the chances for consideration and reducing the risk of their getting jostled.

Here are some tips for being an effective human guide:

• Walk one half step ahead of your relative. Have them grasp the back of your arm, just above the elbow, using the hand that is not holding a cane. By following a bit behind you, they have more lead time to react to obstacles or changes.
• Let your loved one set the pace to slow down or speed up. Maintain awareness of obstacles that are to the side where your relative is walking (consider yourself “extra wide”). Steer your loved one clear. Periodically look back to confirm that they seem to be comfortable with the journey. 
• Announce upcoming changes, such as “stairs up” or “curb down.” Stop when you are close to the edge. Approach the edge straight on (perpendicularly) rather than at an angle. This will make it easier for your relative to judge the distance before the change. Step down/up one step and let your relative feel the edge with their toes before moving forward. If there’s a handrail, position your relative so it’s on the side of their free arm. You may want to stop and lift their free hand to the rail before continuing.
• In narrow passageways, place your forearm behind your back. This signals your loved one to get in single file and shift their grip down to your wrist. Once through the passageway, shift your forearm to facing forward again, and they can move back to their half-step-behind position.
• Never leave your relative in the middle of an open area—indoors or outside—with no furniture, wall, or other landmark to orient themselves.

Orientation and mobility specialists can teach your loved one the strategies they need to independently cope with the environments they encounter. Ask the doctor for a referral. Call to confirm that the services are covered by Medicare.

Does your loved one have low vision?

As the San Francisco experts in family caregiving, we at Compassionate Community Care know how challenging that can be. They need their independence. And at the same time, you worry. It’s not easy to watch them struggling. We can help you find the right balance. Give us a call at (415) 921-5038.

The skin is the body’s largest organ and its essential “armor.” To maintain good health, skin needs extra attention as we age.  

The skin has three layers. Working together, they act as the body’s 

• shield by preventing bacteria and viruses from getting into the body and keeping body fluids from evaporating out;
• insulation by preserving body temperature through fatty padding, sweat glands, and pores; 
• sensor by protecting us from harm through nerve endings that signal when things are too hot, too sharp, etc.

In the normal aging process, skin

• lightens and thins, becoming more fragile, drier, itchy, and subject to tearing;
• loses fat, which increases bruising. The absence of a fatty layer also makes it harder to maintain body temperature and affects absorption of some drugs;
• becomes less sensitive to heat/cold, pressure, and other warning signs of potential injury;
• repairs more slowly and depends more than ever on good nutrition for healing.

Daily routines are important in the care of aging skin. Help your loved one  

• use moisturizers. Skin lotion helps replace missing oils and reduce itching. Moist skin also heals faster. 
• stay hydrated. Ensure adequate intake of water, typically six to eight 8-oz. glasses per day. Think of this as moisturizing from the inside out. 
• set up a humidifier. The heated air of wintertime often removes moisture from the air. Setting up a humidifier will also soothe airways and reduce respiratory problems common in winter.
• bathe only as necessary. Ensure bath water is warm but not too hot. Soap and water dehydrate the skin, so avoid harsh and perfumed soaps. Using bath oils is unwise because of slip-and-fall risk. 
• maintain good nutrition. Protein (found in eggs, milk products, beans, poultry, meat, and fish) is particularly important to wound healing.
• avoid cuts or scrapes. Watch for sharp-edged clothing fasteners, straps, or other rough surfaces. Take care not to bruise or tear the skin when removing bandages or when using a firm grip to help someone stand.
• protect against sun exposure. During the summer, people may be used to thinking of sunscreen. But the sun can also cause problems in the winter. Use sunscreen as well as long-sleeved shirts and long pants.

Check in with a dermatologist if your loved one develops itchy, scaly, red, or flakey patches on the skin. You want to nip problems in the bud because skin that becomes cracked and bleeds is a breeding ground for infection. 

Are you concerned about your loved one’s skin?

As the San Francisco experts in family caregiving, we at Compassionate Community Care know that you are juggling a lot. Adding concerns about skin care to your already full plate may just feel like too much. Let us help. Caregiving doesn’t need to be so stressful. Give us a call at (415) 921-5038.

Your loved one’s daily experience in a hospital, rehab, or assisted living community—even at home with paid home help—greatly depends on the aides who care for them. You can help ensure a good experience by building a positive relationship with those staff so they are inclined to go the extra mile, even on a bad day (theirs or your loved one’s).

• Introduce yourself. Share your name and a bit about yourself. How far away you live. If you are the one with the two granddaughters. How often you plan to visit.
• Ask about them. Nursing assistants are commonly unappreciated. Memorize their names. Get them talking about their lives, their children, their work. Come at different times of the day so you meet the caregivers on each shift.
• Showcase your loved one’s history. Bring labeled photos of family or of your loved one in their professional or volunteer life. This will pique curiosity and encourage staff to know your relative as more than the “hip replacement in room 210.”
• Share special occasions. Is it your mom’s birthday? Bring enough cake for the staff. Is it a holiday? Swap stories and share treats with the team.
• Contribute your talents. Do you play the ukulele? Have extra jigsaw puzzles? Periodically bring something that can lighten the day for your family member, the staff, and maybe even other residents.
• Leave special instructions in writing. If you have a special request, talk with the supervisor AND leave a note in a place all will see. There is a labor shortage and staff may be rushed or new. Don’t assume your request will be passed from one employee to the next. 
• Be generous with compliments. Your ability to acknowledge the positive lends more credibility if you should ever need to ask for changes or lodge a complaint.

Concerned about your loved one’s care?

The best way to improve care of your loved one is to genuinely show interest in the daily caregiving staff. As the San Francisco experts in family caregiving, we at Compassionate Community Care know it can be frustrating to deal with the quirks of paid help. The best way to get the best from the staff, however, is to build rapport. Want ideas for improving care, even lodging a complaint if necessary? Give us a call at (415) 921-5038. We can serve as your relative’s advocate.

Much of life’s interactions occurs online these days. If your loved one is not tech savvy, has mild dementia, or has little access to support in a facility, you might consider a “senior tablet.” They have limitations compared to the typical consumer tablet, but could well be worth it. They are streamlined and simplified so your loved one can reap the benefits of safe access to the many options for online connection. 

Consider these questions before you buy:

• How user friendly is it? Will its features reduce the number of calls to tech support? Many “it’s broken!” calls occur simply because the tablet battery ran down. Is wireless charging a feature? Similarly, how easy is it to stay connected? A Wi-Fi-only option is cheaper but may require rebooting. A cellular connection is more reliable but involves a monthly fee. 
• How limiting are safety features? You may want to restrict incoming and outgoing communications to those on your relative’s contacts list. Or not. What about browsing freedom? Do you want to allow access to only selected websites? 
• How good is video calling? Most senior tablets feature some simplified form of Zoom or FaceTime. Some allow only one-on-one calls. Others accommodate group calls. Check the sound quality: Good enough for your relative’s hearing?
• Can other apps be added? After video calls, photo sharing is the next most popular activity. Does the senior tablet allow for photo sharing apps? Music apps, podcasts, or audio books? E-books or digital newspapers? Looking up the weather? Creating and receiving reminders? Watching videos? If your relative can’t download apps themself, can you do so remotely? 
• Who provides tech support and how? Is there remote support with a video conferencing app already installed? Or just phone calls or email? Can the support team take over the screen and make needed adjustments? Can you (and would you want to)?

Are you considering a senior tablet?

There is no doubt that video conferencing and photo sharing make tablets a great gift for reducing isolation. As the San Francisco experts in family caregiving, we at Compassionate Community Care notice that the tech support options of senior tablets make life easier for families as well. Interested in ways to use technology to improve your caregiving life? Give us a call at (415) 921-5038.

As exciting as a trip can be, for a person with dementia, the loss of routine is confusing. And the loud, large, busy terminal spaces are often distressing.

Too much stimuli!

Your job is to keep the process as calm and unhurried as possible. If you are rushing, flustered, and anxious, your loved one with dementia will mirror that anxiety and become agitated, too. Preplanning and ample use of airport support programs will make your job a lot easier.

Here are things you can do at the airport to make for a good travel day.

• Dress in layers. Being too hot or too cold can result in agitation.
• Arrive two hours early. Arrive with time to spare so you won’t be concerned about possibly missing the plane if a mishap occurs (a bathroom accident, an outburst in security…). With spaciousness of time, you can deal with things calmly as much as possible, the way you would if you were home.
• Check your luggage. You want your hands free to help your family member. Bring a day bag as your carry-on. For your relative, include a comfort object, favorite treats, and possibly a headset and DVD or CD player.
• Ask for wheelchair assistance. Ideally, arrange this with the airline when you purchase the tickets. But if you didn’t, check in at the counter and make the request. Even if your loved one is able bodied, it helps to have them seated (less likelihood of wandering off!). The airline staff will prove an immense help going through security, but it’s equally helpful to have their assistance when you land and deplane. Getting to baggage claim is often a long walk, with crowds bumping and jostling.
• Ask about family bathrooms. The wheelchair attendant can point them out.
• After security, attend to bodily needs. This is a great time to get some food, use the facilities, and find a quiet place to wait. A lounge is great if you have access.
• Request preboarding. Check in at the gate and ask to board with the earliest group.

The Sunflower Program. This program provides a cheery sunflower on a neck lanyard for those with a “hidden disability.” It discreetly signals airport personnel that your loved one has a disability. The Sunflower Program provides a list of participating airports.

Traveling this holiday?

As the San Francisco experts in family caregiving, we at Compassionate Community Care understand how important it is to connect with family and friends. But you don’t want to arrive frustrated and tired due to distressed behaviors on your relative’s part. Let us help you plan so you can avoid outbursts as much as possible. Give us a call at (415) 921-5038.

Did your mom teach you to “do what the doctor says”? If she’s not following doctor’s orders for medications now, you’re probably feeling confused. And concerned. 

It’s common for patients not to take pills as directed. Some typical reasons: 

• “It’s too costly.” One quarter of new prescriptions are never filled because of cost. Make sure the drug is on the insurance plan formulary. Or ask about generics. Find a discount pharmacy, or consider mail order.
• “I don’t have symptoms.” Many illnesses lack noticeable symptoms. High blood pressure and high cholesterol, for example. These prescriptions often go unfilled. Many people don’t finish their antibiotics for similar reasons: the symptoms went away. Ask the doctor or pharmacist to review with your loved one why a medication is necessary.
• “It made things worse.” Consult with the doctor or pharmacist. Reducing the dose or changing from morning to evening may fix the problem. Or taking a different medication may be advised.
• “It was too complicated.” Some drugs require multiple doses in a day. Others are restrictive (“30 minutes before eating”). Ask the doctor or pharmacist about alternatives.
• “I can’t get the bottle open” or “I can’t read the label.” Arthritic hands and poor eyesight can make it difficult to follow directions. Ask the pharmacist for large type on the label and a NON-child-proof container.
• “Why bother?” Hopelessness and depression are common reasons why people don’t take their medications. If you suspect depression, ask the doctor to do an evaluation.
• “It won’t do anything.” Perhaps your loved one has an entirely different interpretation of what is wrong with their health. Ask to learn more.
• “I forgot.” Simple memory lapses are a fact of aging. It may be time for an automated pill dispenser or pills that are pre-packaged into morning, noon and night time doses. 

Are you worried about medication management?

You are not alone! As the San Francisco experts in family caregiving, we at Compassionate Community Care have witnessed how important it is to understand your loved one’s perception of the situation before you can find a resolution. Let us help. Give us a call at (415) 921-5038.